Memorial Day Mealtime

What's On the Plate:
Whipped Parsnips, with Shredded Carrots & Black Radish
Grilled Veggie Burger with White Mild Cheddar & Arugula


What's On the Platter:
Happy Girl by Beth Nielsen Chapman
(click on "listen" under "Sand & Water")

Used Car Sales, Line One

I was a receptionist at a car dealership when I was in college. I spent all day saying, "Good afternoon, Viking Olds, Nissan, Volvo, GMC."

When I saw how Matt dressed Elliott on Monday, the only thing I could say was, "Rick Utley, Line One please. Rick, Line One."

Not Quite Right...

I enjoy mixed metaphors. My friend Kelly said them all the time when we worked nights together. "That guy's not the brightest knife in the drawer," she would say. "Don't count a leopard before its spots." Once she said, "That guy's gonna bake his own bubble and burst." That wasn't so much a mixed metaphor as . . . well, I don't know what that was. My favorite was the time she told our boss, "You just have to grab the horn by the balls..."

If Kelly was the queen of mixed metaphors, my husband is the crown prince. They're not always metaphors. He often asks if my mother is going to be volunteering this week at the local homeless shelter, what he calls the "Doris Day House." I imagine my mother and Doris, tucking a loose strand of frosty white hair back into her beehive, dressed in a tight sheath by Irene, washing dishes together at the kitchen sink and singing "Que Sara Sara, Whatever Will Be Will Be."

"Well, I tell him, I don't know about Doris Day, but I think she'll be at the DOROTHY Day House on Wednesday."

Today we were talking at the lunch table. "I wish I had a million dollars," I said. "Hot dog!"

"What's that from?" Matt asked.

"It's a Wonderful Life," I said.

"I remember that movie," he said. "At the end when they're having the house party, a bunch of punks show up and have a big fight."

I did a quick scan of my memory. George Bailey. Comes home. Whole town. Waiting for him. Everyone cries. Bell rings on Christmas tree. Zuzu: "Teacher says, 'every time a bell rings, and angel gets its wings.'" George: "Atta boy, Clarence!" Everyone sings: "Auld Lang Syne." The end.

Punks? I think. Big fight?

"I'm sorry," I say. "Could you describe when in the the classic Christmas movie a group of punks come to beat up George and Mary Bailey and their angelic offspring?"

"What? What are you talking about?"

"It's a Wonderful Life."

"Oh," he said. "I thought you said, 'Some Kind of Wonderful.'"

The end.

Veggies

P.S. The veggies are officially gone. Except for one half of a large black radish, which I don't know what to do with. I might just throw it out to the rabbit couple who live in our backyard: Mrs. Anderson and Mrs. May, named for Oliver's preschool teachers, and their litter of baby rabbits.

I'm grateful for those rabbits, because they keep our cat Megan very entertained all day. All day she sits in the kitchen window staring at them and praying, "Holy Jesus, please let me just eat one of those ladies for lunch." So far, her prayers have gone unanswered. She's thinking of becoming an atheist. Or a Unitarian.

The end.


Here is Megan nursing a blanket, back when our master bedroom was still painted a shocking vagina color, courtesy of the previous owners of our home.

If you think you've got troubles...

...ask Matt about what he did to our new outdoor carpeting. Don't have his phone number? Oh, all right. I'll go ahead and tell you.

He draped our outdoor carpeting over the edge of the deck so he could sweep all the helicopter seeds away before laying the carpet down. Then he got distracted by my cries for help. Which sounded like this: "Help! Help!" I can't remember why. Maybe because I was getting ready for one of the weddings I officiated this weekend? And the baby was crying and trying to pull my pants down with his tugs and pleading for attention? Probably something like that.

So Matt doesn't get back to the carpet right away. And later he's in the backyard. And he starts wondering: "Why can I see the porch light through the carpet?" This would be the motion-sensing, light-sensing porch light that stays on all night because the timer is set wrong. Or something. We've never been able to figure out what's wrong with it. So whenever anyone crashes on our couch, they say, "Hey, your porch light is staying on all night." And I say, "Yes, we know. Matt's been meaning to fix that, but he's not sure how and anyway, how can he get it done when I'm always crying out for his help like this: 'Help! Help!'"

So it turns out that if you drape outdoor carpeting over a porch light that never shuts off, the light will actually BURN A HOLE THROUGH IT.

Yes. You may have troubles. But you don't have them troubles now, do you?

Underwear & Beer

My husband thinks Oliver will be embarrassed one day when we remind him of the time he spent the afternoon visiting the next-door neighbors' backyard in his Batman briefs. Perhaps. Perhaps not. It is a rather warm day after all.

I have discovered that getting through a day of baby crying during naptime and heavy-duty yardwork is made much easier when you dip into the cocktails around 11:30 a.m. As the country-western song says, "It's five o'clock somewhere."

I haven't enjoyed a nice day of sunshine, gardening and cold beer since before I was pregnant.

Ahhh. Welcome to Memorial Day Weekend at our house.

The end.

CSA So Far...

Thus far, the CSA shares have been a smashing success. I've expanded my chorus of evening meal recipes, inspired by our new vegetables & cheeses. The primary challenge is not to cook fancy meals all evening & then eat so late the pretty peas are too tired to enjoy.

Our first veggie box had sunchokes, ramps, parsnips, black radishes, spinach, spring salad mix, arugula, sorrel, asparagus & chives. Our first cheese box had white mild cheddar, muenster & bleu cheese. The coffee, which made me want to cry it is so good, was Organic Harmony Valley blend from Kickapoo Coffees. It tastes like rich, dark, chocolate-covered cherries mixed into luscious coffee. Ahhhh...

We've used most of the veggies. Here's what we've enjoyed so far:

• Sorrel & Spinach Pesto on Multi-Grain Pasta
• Raw Sliced Sunchokes (which the baby loved)
• Oven-Roasted Sunchokes (too much olive oil, too much cramping afterward)
• Vegetable Pizza with asparagus, ramps, spinach & sun-dried tomatoes (see above photo)
• Steamed Asparagus
• Creamy Sausage & Ramp Pasta (see above, with Morningstar Veggie Sausage)
• Spinach Salad with Italian Balsamic Vinagrette, Chives & Bleu Cheese (see above)
• Stir Fried Tofu & Brown Rice with Ramps, Spinach, Chives, Sorrel & Asparagus
• Cream Cheese Sandwich Spread with Chives, Black Radish, Spinach & Carrots (excellent with cucumbers & multi-grain bread or on a grilled veggie burger w/ the cheddar)
• Pizza Hut Panormous Pizza, Half Pepperoni & Half Mushroom, & Spring Salad Mix

That last one is because we are trying a new routine to get the baby to sleep through the night and I was all done in last evening. We did pizza, board games & the TV hauled up from basement storage to watch part of our first last & only American Idol episode of the season. We ended up shutting it off most of the evening & playing Sorry! to a soundtrack of baby howls. Sigh. We will get through this. We will get through this. We will get through this.

Now, it's on to the Parsnips, Arugula & Muenster - and officiating two weddings this Memorial Day weekend!

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Huzzah!